Sunday

Felt a darned site better on sunday than saturday mainly thanks to a phone call from the lovely Hannah.
Had a go at trying to get my hair into the same style as the hairdresser left it.Not quite as good but it will do.
Busy week coming up.
Monday-therapist and taking Geraldine to the doctors.
Tuesday-meeting with Katy & Liz at the self centre for coffee and cake.
Wednesday-course(wigless for the first time)
Thursday-off to Elveden for drinks and cake with Geraldine & Katie
Friday should be free but I doubt it.

Brave face

Not been a very good day today and as my therapist says it is better to put your thoughts down in writing than brood about them all night
Saturday is always my worst day of the week.
I watched the FI qualing and then a complete hash up on television over the Palace result.That's when the troubles start.I am so used to getting on the phone and talking about these things to Adam but I am not allowed to contact him.So I watch them but don't enjoy them as it is so difficult to enjoy alone.
On the surface I am Miss Confident,have the answer to everyones problems and there with a ready quip.However when I suffer I suffer alone.
Sure I will feel loads better next week.Loads of appointments and lots of time to hide behind the mask.No showing of the emotions just smile and wave boys,smile and wave.

New look

Well it sure is a different me to go with the increased confidence.
Now have chestnut hair with honey blonde highlights and cut into a short bob.
The flats have changed to heels and the skirts to trendy dresses.
All I need now is an operation on my mouth to seal it shut as I have opened it yet again and put my size eight foot firmly in it.
Saying what I feel has always been my downfall.I hope that I haven't damaged a very special relationship because of it.

Reflections

I have just been reading Loris' comment on my last entry.
On reflection there has been a change,nothing dramatic,it just crept up on me.
The change is accepting what I can change and what I cannot.
Could I stop transitioning even if I wanted to?Not a chance.
I am just living as the real me and what went before was a sham.
I still have problems but then who doesn't? but I am coping with them as me.

Dress

All of my female life I have been a jeans and top,trousers and top or skirt and top person.
Today I bought myself a dress !!!
Whether it is the seed change in me or the thought of the summer coming I don't know but it looks great.

Masks and protection

On Angels today one of the girls said that she prefers to wear a wig as she feels"protected"
Takes me back to what happened yesterday.
If I am out in trousers or a long skirt and boots I never wear my wig.However if in natural tights and a more floaty skirt I didn't feel right without the dead cat on my head.
Yesterday I had to visit my therapist and decided natural tights and the floaty skirt felt right but I knew that I had to go shopping on the way.
So did not wear the wig!!
Nothing changed and I still felt the same old me.
My therapist is working on self ownership with me and that is what it is all about.
The only mask I need is my makeup and there is nothing wrong with that.
I wear it because I want to,not for others.

Crept up on me

It's been a very hectic last couple of days what with dashing off to sort my bank account at 10 minutes notice and fighting my way around Asda today.
Now is the first time I have had a breather to do some reflective thinking.
My bank manager called me back today and he was chatting away to Julia. But that is the point-Julia was chatting back.
In the last couple of days I have not even thought of being t/s,I'm just me.
Just a random thought I had to put down in print,thats all.
If this is permanent and I hope that it is can see this blog just turning into the random thoughts of a demented housewife