It was once said to me that I will never have a dirty mind because I change it so often.
Well,following a lovely phone call last night I realise that if I go quiet some may worry so the blog remains open.
Sunday 30 November 2008
Wednesday 26 November 2008
Advance notice
Due to severe personal problems this site will be going off-line on 1/12/08.
Thanks for your support.
Jools
Thanks for your support.
Jools
Smile and wave
Thanks to the lovely Jean,what would I do without her?,another random thought crossed my mind after last evening's course.
Do I really want the pain of SRS?
Do I really need the emotional turmoil of hormones?
Or am I happier just striving to me?
Seems to me the third question supplies the answer.
Gay,transsexual,they are just labels.It's me I want.
So in the words of my beloved penguins just smile and wave,smile and wave.
Do I really want the pain of SRS?
Do I really need the emotional turmoil of hormones?
Or am I happier just striving to me?
Seems to me the third question supplies the answer.
Gay,transsexual,they are just labels.It's me I want.
So in the words of my beloved penguins just smile and wave,smile and wave.
Monday 24 November 2008
Christmas
I know that on the 24th November it is a bit early to talk about this subject but the television and papers seem to be full of it so why not?
Christmas is a bad time for me.
When your parents are dead and your circle of friends that you see face to face is decreasing on a daily basis the thought fills me with horror.
I had a phone call from Adam yesterday saying that as his mother in law and her son are staying with them over the whole of the Christmas period he will not be seeing me.
I have sent out an invitation to a friend who I speak to over the phone to come and visit(gives me a chance to show off my cooking) but the reply was non comittal.I did open the invitation to her girlfriend and the dogs as well!.
So it looks like it is going to be just G and me.Very aware that many are in the same situation or on their own but it's still sad as I am a very social person.
Also it brings back some sad thoughts.When I had a large circle of workmates it came to the fun season.All the girls would dress up in their finery and I so wished it was me.Then the terrible party where at the end it turned up into a pair off situation for the younger ones,Imagine my horror when that happened and to make it worse the only person I fancied was male.It did turn out that I found when I had left that he was gay!!!Would love to get in touch with him now but have lost touch long ago.
So on the bright side will give me a chance to put on my party dress and Rudolph earrings.
Christmas is a bad time for me.
When your parents are dead and your circle of friends that you see face to face is decreasing on a daily basis the thought fills me with horror.
I had a phone call from Adam yesterday saying that as his mother in law and her son are staying with them over the whole of the Christmas period he will not be seeing me.
I have sent out an invitation to a friend who I speak to over the phone to come and visit(gives me a chance to show off my cooking) but the reply was non comittal.I did open the invitation to her girlfriend and the dogs as well!.
So it looks like it is going to be just G and me.Very aware that many are in the same situation or on their own but it's still sad as I am a very social person.
Also it brings back some sad thoughts.When I had a large circle of workmates it came to the fun season.All the girls would dress up in their finery and I so wished it was me.Then the terrible party where at the end it turned up into a pair off situation for the younger ones,Imagine my horror when that happened and to make it worse the only person I fancied was male.It did turn out that I found when I had left that he was gay!!!Would love to get in touch with him now but have lost touch long ago.
So on the bright side will give me a chance to put on my party dress and Rudolph earrings.
Sunday 23 November 2008
Relief
Following the last blog entry I have e-mailed a few close friends about the contents and apart from one no reply I have been overwhelmed by the support.
The good guys are out there.Thank you.
The good guys are out there.Thank you.
Friday 21 November 2008
Confession
No doubt that if this ever comes to light with my TS friends I may well lose a few but if something needs saying it has to be said,so here goes.
I am gay,always have been always will be,though due to being raped in my teens have never had sex with a man since.
I am T/S but in my case the two go together.
That's that said. Feel better now.
I am gay,always have been always will be,though due to being raped in my teens have never had sex with a man since.
I am T/S but in my case the two go together.
That's that said. Feel better now.
Wednesday 19 November 2008
Warning
As the other two students on my course did not turn up last night the tutor and I turned it into a one to one,say anything session. My what a two hour cleanout that was.
Will not go into everything said but one topic does concern this blog.
I am a carer for my wife who has personality disorder OCD and have been for the last thirty years.Over the years the fact that her condition has ben diagnosed as incurable has meant that all medical support has been withdrawn and I have no friends who I can pop out and have a natter to.As a result I have to be carer/psychiatrist and psycholgist 24 hours a day,365 days a year.The problem with this is I have nobody at all to unload to and my problems have to stop right here.
So mt tutor suggested I use my blog to get all the day's frustations out. So if you read this blog it may be in your interests to stop now.
So.
.
.
.
.
.
First moan
How can anybody who'se problems you have listened to every single day for 30 years,often through the whole night tell you when you have a problem to shut up because she doesn't want to hear me going on about it?
Answers on a postcard plese
Will not go into everything said but one topic does concern this blog.
I am a carer for my wife who has personality disorder OCD and have been for the last thirty years.Over the years the fact that her condition has ben diagnosed as incurable has meant that all medical support has been withdrawn and I have no friends who I can pop out and have a natter to.As a result I have to be carer/psychiatrist and psycholgist 24 hours a day,365 days a year.The problem with this is I have nobody at all to unload to and my problems have to stop right here.
So mt tutor suggested I use my blog to get all the day's frustations out. So if you read this blog it may be in your interests to stop now.
So.
.
.
.
.
.
First moan
How can anybody who'se problems you have listened to every single day for 30 years,often through the whole night tell you when you have a problem to shut up because she doesn't want to hear me going on about it?
Answers on a postcard plese
Monday 17 November 2008
Happiness
I woke this morning feeling more alive and confident than I have for years.
Aware that this blog is usually about me,me me but for a change it is about the really important person in my world.
For many years I have been Geraldine's carer and have tried to repair the damage that was done in her youth.I have made small steps but feel that I have only been holding the fort.
Over the last few weeks her confidence has been growing and this weekend I saw that she was actually blossoming.For the first time she is confident,happy and herself.
I know that I was not the person who caused this change(thanks,you know who you are) but if I have helped by my support I feel good.
Aware that this blog is usually about me,me me but for a change it is about the really important person in my world.
For many years I have been Geraldine's carer and have tried to repair the damage that was done in her youth.I have made small steps but feel that I have only been holding the fort.
Over the last few weeks her confidence has been growing and this weekend I saw that she was actually blossoming.For the first time she is confident,happy and herself.
I know that I was not the person who caused this change(thanks,you know who you are) but if I have helped by my support I feel good.
Thursday 13 November 2008
Me
Not blogged for a while but I am going through a bit of a breakdown and at the moment fighting for help through the NHS.
I WILL bounce back but it may take a little while.
A rather nasty email criticising how I look has not helped but it's my life.
May not look like the stereotype trans girl but I do look like me.
Sunday 2 November 2008
Speading the butter
Had the chance to sit back for a few minutes and re-evaluate my life.
I like to think that I have a gift for helping others but realise this has taken over my life.
I have spread the butter a bit to thinly and as a result am neglecting myself quite badly.It may be time to step back and look after myself and Geraldine.
I will still help others as it's my way but within my own resources.
For those who read this it does not mean I think a fraction the less of you and love to talk to you as the good friends you are but I am worn out and exhausted.
I like to think that I have a gift for helping others but realise this has taken over my life.
I have spread the butter a bit to thinly and as a result am neglecting myself quite badly.It may be time to step back and look after myself and Geraldine.
I will still help others as it's my way but within my own resources.
For those who read this it does not mean I think a fraction the less of you and love to talk to you as the good friends you are but I am worn out and exhausted.
Saturday 1 November 2008
Pass the parcel
On my referral to Mental Health.
A little while ago I had a phone call from my doctor sayiing that Mental Health will not be sseing me as my mood swings are obviously part of my transitioning and the matter should be dealt with by Charing Cross.
Today I had a letter from Charing Cross requesting me to have another blood test taken as the testosterone level could not be analysed.Also I will need a fasting blood test as my cholesterol and triglycerides were high. OK,fair enough,but they also said I should go back to my GP to get the mood swing reasons sorted out before I next see them.
It's pass the bloody parcel all over again.
I am not giving up or wimping out but what are you supposed to do without any support whatsoever from the people who are supposed to be helping you?
A little while ago I had a phone call from my doctor sayiing that Mental Health will not be sseing me as my mood swings are obviously part of my transitioning and the matter should be dealt with by Charing Cross.
Today I had a letter from Charing Cross requesting me to have another blood test taken as the testosterone level could not be analysed.Also I will need a fasting blood test as my cholesterol and triglycerides were high. OK,fair enough,but they also said I should go back to my GP to get the mood swing reasons sorted out before I next see them.
It's pass the bloody parcel all over again.
I am not giving up or wimping out but what are you supposed to do without any support whatsoever from the people who are supposed to be helping you?
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