Coming to terms

On a previous posting I mentioned the getting older thing and on friday this really came home to roost.
I went over to see a dear friend and this involved a trip on the A14,a fairly busy road but not terrible.To tell the truth I did not feel safe driving and when I got home I was absolutely shattered.
I was told a few years ago that stress affects my angina in a big way and it was mentioned that I should consider cutting down my driving to shopping and local trips.Now mobility is such a part of my life I dismissed the thought out of hand but the time could now be right.
My arthritis is slowing me down and I have to start listening to my body.
My mind,however,tells me I am 25.

Conflict of interests

While skimming through Angels last night I came across a posting from Bea about a trip out for a cup of coffee.She gave a full description of what she was wearing even down to the colour of her bra and knickers.
Now,I could not even tell,if asked,what colour underwear I was wearing half the time.When I have been out of the house recently it has been thermal underwear.Not exactly glamorous,but practical and warm.
I am not full of angst about my gender as have more things to worry about as a carer.
I do my best to help out T/S friends but sometimes wonder if I am in the right place to offer advice.
Could just be old age setting in.
When I look at postings on Angels the Wogam expression"Is it me?"comes to mind.
Well is it?

Friends in need

Have been feeling a bit low recently with my caring responsibilities getting on top of me.Then this morning had a phone call from the lovely Loris.
I like Loris,no getting away from it.We chat about all things trans of course but the other everyday things as well,music,holidays,anything.
There is no pity or self pity involved.
We will both get to wherever we are intending to go in our own way and supporting each other.
Of course I have no idea where I want to end up,just enjoying being me and going where fate takes me.

A little peal of hope

Following the rough week I have been through I popped into Sainsburys today after a meeting with my care co-ordinator.
I had just entered the door when a policewoman approached me."Excuse me madam" she said"Would you like one of these little bells that attach to your purse?If someone tried to take your purse out of your shopping bag then you would hear it"
When I hear so many negative stories of the treatment T/S girls get it was a ray of hope.Or could it be that as everyone who knows me says I am female in looks as well as thought?

Labels

One of the best bits about this blog is that I can write down the bits I daren't put on Angels,though I would love to.
Been thinking about the difference between female and feminine.
Feminine on a lot of postings seems to be the dream.Lovely dress,killer heels and slap,or it seems a trip to Boudoir,and you have the lot.An instant trip to fantasy island.
That is a lot of the trouble it is fantasy pure and simple.
I am female and to me it invoves the everyday things in life,cooking,cleaning and ironing plus battling for a till in Tesco's.
It's hard to feel feminine,believe me,when you are cleaning the loo.
I do female full time because that is what I am and good luck to all who aspire to the same.They will need the luck,a lot of hard graft,guts a plenty and a very thick skin.
Would I change a bit though?
Never

Old

Was watching a programme the other night in the Folk America series and this one was of special interest to me as it covered music from the sixties.At that age I was the rebel,Che was my hero and only a few people had ever heard of Bob Dylan let alone seen him.We were the protestors and we were different and not afraid to show it.
Nostalgia reigned during that programme but when the interviews were being shown shock followed by realisation kicked in.
God,everybody was so OLD.Still fighting for the cause,still different but like me old.
I am now in my sixties,racked with arthritis and won't see 70.
Perhaps it is time to stop fighting for the cause and make the most of what time I have left.
If I don't look like what I am some of the time then who the hell cares.
I have had one hell of a life and am there for anybody who needs me but have no need to chase causes or people any more.

Respite

Katy Sparkes came round today for my couple of hours of respite care but Geraldine had made it quite clear that she didn't want to go out.She has been looking at the weather for a couple of days almost praying for snow.
So Katy did a home visit which meant no respite for yet another week.She also brought the bad news that there is yet another hold up in the paperwork for Hospital Road as we have not got a care co-ordinator.I am starting to think it will never happen.
Katy pointed out that I am naturally female,which I know that I am,but I no longer feel feminine.Geraldine has now given up on everything and is getting more and more demanding on my time.As a result I never get the time or opportunity to "glam up"any more after all when the only time you go out is to go shopping it's just not worth it.
Hoping that if and when my new course starts it will give me the chance to feel a bit feminine again.
What I really need is a day out but having lost most of my friends and the few I have left being to busy seems like it's not going to happen.
As a postscript after not wanting to go out with Katy Geraldine asked if we can go out tomorrow!Feel like we are joined at the hip