Never to old

I am pressing on to do my little bit for the T/S community and yes it does feel good actually doing something.
However on reading the bible for how to do it right"Angels" it seems as if I must change my strategy.
I must in future.
(a)Post a full report of what I am wearing,down to my underwear,for all meetings attended.This will require a great deal of work as I never have the faintest idea of what colour knickers I am wearing.
(b)Tell as many people as humanly possible what a wonderful person I am.Again this is going to be a problem as I don't think my ego needs inflating.
So to be a true and representative trans it looks like back to the drawing board.
Now can anybody tell me where I get the open crotch fishnet tights and the six inch heels?

New week,new start

After the appaling weekend I have a busy week in front of me.
Sujata calling today so had a bit of a spring clean over the weekend,perhaps it's time for a spring clean of the mind.
I am a very lucky lady. Geraldine is fully supportive and I have friends,not many but it's the quality not the quantity that matters.
I now have someone in my life that means more to me than words can say.
The future is bright if I work at it.The equality work and possible teaching work.I start hormones on friday but it is what's going on in my mind that is most important.
I have optimism

Thinking aloud

When I do not have anyone to talk to and know that I have no therapist appointment this week I use this blog to think aloud.
In Suffolk it is very much a case of do what you want as long as you don't interfere with anyone else and this is more and more the case as far as my transitioning is concerned.
Yesterday,for example,I was chatting to the lady at the papershop about how many changes of clothes it takes us to go out compared to men.People in the shop browsing and nobody stepping back in horror.
The point of this ramble is that being trans I sometimes think I should keep in touch with the TG community.
Over the last few weeks I have sent a few pm's and not one reply.
There seems to me to be one rule,conform to the stereotype and you are in,don't and you are out,no in between.

Upset

I use this blog to get rid of my innermost feelings and something is really upsetting me at the moment.
A long time ago Geraldine took loads of overdoses.She would overdose,ring me at work,I came rushing home,got her to A and E then picked her up next morning.
The point is that she had no intention at all of commiting suicide,she just wanted the attention.
The last time this happened I put her in the car without a word and dumped her at the doorstep of A & E.I picked her up three days later when asked to by the hospital.
I repeat,this was the last time,it never happened again.
The incidents going on in the Angels forum are ringing very unpleasant bells in my mind.
If I ever did go back on the forum I would be tempted to say that sure life is tough but I had to just get on with it.
I am nothing special but I did it.

Sunday

Felt a darned site better on sunday than saturday mainly thanks to a phone call from the lovely Hannah.
Had a go at trying to get my hair into the same style as the hairdresser left it.Not quite as good but it will do.
Busy week coming up.
Monday-therapist and taking Geraldine to the doctors.
Tuesday-meeting with Katy & Liz at the self centre for coffee and cake.
Wednesday-course(wigless for the first time)
Thursday-off to Elveden for drinks and cake with Geraldine & Katie
Friday should be free but I doubt it.

Brave face

Not been a very good day today and as my therapist says it is better to put your thoughts down in writing than brood about them all night
Saturday is always my worst day of the week.
I watched the FI qualing and then a complete hash up on television over the Palace result.That's when the troubles start.I am so used to getting on the phone and talking about these things to Adam but I am not allowed to contact him.So I watch them but don't enjoy them as it is so difficult to enjoy alone.
On the surface I am Miss Confident,have the answer to everyones problems and there with a ready quip.However when I suffer I suffer alone.
Sure I will feel loads better next week.Loads of appointments and lots of time to hide behind the mask.No showing of the emotions just smile and wave boys,smile and wave.

New look

Well it sure is a different me to go with the increased confidence.
Now have chestnut hair with honey blonde highlights and cut into a short bob.
The flats have changed to heels and the skirts to trendy dresses.
All I need now is an operation on my mouth to seal it shut as I have opened it yet again and put my size eight foot firmly in it.
Saying what I feel has always been my downfall.I hope that I haven't damaged a very special relationship because of it.